Do Married People Build Wealth Quickly?

Now let’s talk about a third area that we hear a lot of you are struggling with because it’s hard. This is not an easy thing, but it can be super valuable and is super important to get it right when it comes to money and finances, and that’s money and marriage and how those two work together and interact with one another. Yeah, this is definitely one of those measure twice, cut once because the right partner is somebody you’ll go on this great journey of life with, and you’ll build each other up. You’ll have successes; you’ll have struggles, but it’s okay because you’re in this ride or die to become one. But if you do it wrong, this could actually be a big detriment, and it could be very stressful and create a lot of hardship in your life. Yeah, and there’s some analytical data that would suggest that two people working together towards a common goal can be more effective than one person doing that. Look at this from the Federal Reserve; this shows net worth by family structure adjusted for 2022, and it just shows what the net worth looks like for couples versus couples with children versus single individuals with no children versus single individuals with children. And this is not to say that you have to fall into one of these categories in order to be successful. What this is suggesting is that if you can get on the same page with your partner and you allow that to be a positive trait where you’re working towards common financial goals together, the picture can look beautiful. But if you flip it on the other side and you get into a partnership or you get into a relationship where you’re not on the same page financially, it can be detrimental. Well, yeah, I mean, I don’t want anybody to run out there just and say, “Let’s go get married because I hear that’s going to make it easier to become wealthy.” Because there are so many things that marriage can be hard, but then you add in finances, especially joint finances, individual finances, are we keeping things separated? And that’s why it’s not uncommon that you find out two out of five divorces are typically caused by financial problems and struggles. And I think there’s a lot of problem in the world where we already know talking about your finances is kind of a taboo subject just in society. Well, I think it’s also hard for relationships and couples as well. Communication is not guaranteed when it comes to finances. So what’s the solution? How do you think about getting a spouse on board? How do you guys think about getting on the same page? And unfortunately, and because you’re listening to this show, I want to give you a piece of advice that I think will be super valuable. It’s probably not going to be some fancy spreadsheet; it’s probably not going to be this thing that you design that you show your spouse and say, “Honey, look at this incredible thing I’ve done.” That’s probably not going to be the ticket. There are other ways that you might want to make sure you get on the same page. And the first one is, and I think this is maybe probably the most important, is how do you find common goals? How do you understand what is the thing that you and I can both work towards together that we’re both going to stay equally committed to? If I have a goal that’s moving in this direction and you have a goal that’s moving in that direction, it’s going to be really hard for us to operate effectively and efficiently. But if we can both move together towards that same goal, it’s amazing what we’ll be able to do together. Well, think about this. When you’re starting to date somebody and it’s getting serious, yes, you should have the big conversations on children, religion, and that type of stuff, but you also should start communicating about these goals. Like, “Hey, when do you think you want to retire?” And I will tell you, as a person who’s been married for 25 years, this openness with communication can also be very valuable. Not only with just basic goal setting like retirement dates, kids, and other things like that, it can also be as good and even romantic as setting like a 5-year travel goal schedule. I mean, this is some of the things if you can just find common goals because a united front is definitely going to be successful because life is hard. There’s going to be obstacles; there’s going to be struggles. It’s nice if you’re laying the foundation in times of good to create a plan that should hopefully get you through all elements of life. And if this is important to you, you’ll make it important. So another thing that you can do is set aside specific time for money conversations. We see a lot of couples that in the front end, they do a great job talking about it, but then life happens. Then you have the kids and the jobs and the careers and the community and all this stuff pulling you in all these different directions. Make sure that you stay intentional so that you can stay on the same page. Because if you have intentional time, you can sit down together that is going to be much more effective than that pithy passive-aggressive text message that says, “You spent how much on what?” That’s probably not going to get you to the place you want to be. So maybe your cadence is monthly or quarterly, or maybe it’s just annually when you do your net worth statement, but have a dedicated time that you know you and your spouse are going to talk about finances and review the decisions you’ve been making and the decisions you want to make moving forward. Hey, look, we had some great content, you know, if you look at the content from 2012 specifically, if you want to go look at The Archives around June, there was some really fun marriage content with Bo, where we talked about simple things like how much do you have to spend before you get permission from your spouse? That stuff’s important for the conversation’s sake, but Bo already kind of gave you do those small conversations but also the big ones we talked about earlier. A spreadsheet’s not going to be the solution, but it can definitely be part of creating a good communication plan. I am the financial person, big shocker, financial mutant here, but I always want to make sure that my spouse is up to date with what’s going on. So we do have annual meetings or discussions about net worth changes. We use it as a dashboard. Make sure you’re taking time to do that. You don’t want to have someone in the dark. I’m actually doing some content. You know, they’ll be out there with the news organizations and so forth about the secrets that couples keep. It’s sad that for Valentine’s Day, we’re actually creating content on the secrets that couples keep, and that’s just not good. That’s not going to lead you to success if you are keeping those types of secrets from your significant other. Another thing that you can do is make sure that you’re willing to compromise, Brian. Just because you are the financial person doesn’t mean that everything that you want and everything that matters to you has to be what happens. You have to also make sure that the other part of the relationship also understands they have a voice, and that they can communicate, and you have to be willing to compromise. This is something I had to learn a lot in my first year of marriage. But once you recognize that, it’s amazing how effective and efficient you can be as a couple if you’re both putting each other’s interests on just as high of a pedestal as your own interests. And by the way, if you’re married, don’t be scared to go get help. I mean, I’ve been. I shared with you guys. It sounds like I’m bragging at this point, which I am. I’m pretty proud of 25 years. But I don’t mind admitting around the seven-year itch mark, even me and my wife had issues, and we went and talked to somebody. And it’s amazing because we’re all as humans. I think there’s a little bit of selfishness to every one of us. It’s amazing when you get a third party involved, and you share your concerns, your spouse shares their concerns, and then through a third party, they kind of help you navigate what you’re maybe not hearing your spouse say to you and what your spouse might not be hearing from your point of perspective. Counseling can definitely help. It can get you through whatever those things are because it takes work. It takes to build a healthy relationship. It’s not something that just happens. It actually is something just like a good plan helps you with your finances. A good plan and investment into your marriage can also be very helpful and fruitful for the long term. So maybe this is new to you; you’re trying to think about okay, well, how do we get on the same page? How do we think through this as a household? Here’s a great thing you can do: go out to moneyguy.com/resources and download your free copy of the Financial Order of Operations. Or if you want to take even a step further, go to learn.moneyguy.com, and you and your spouse work through the Financial Order of Operations course together. Have the conversations around, “Okay, what does your employer have going on? What does mine have going okay? Do we have any debt? How do we knock? Okay, do we need three months of emergency fund? Do we need six months?” And if you guys can work through that together, it’s amazing how much you will uncover in the conversation to recognize, “Oh, I didn’t know. I never knew what an HSA was. I’ve seen that in my open enrollment. I didn’t know that was an important thing.” This can be a huge tool that will give you some guardrails to talk through as you’re having this conversation. And let me go ahead and give you the answer: this is a household strategy. Every now and then, I’ll get an email or a question from somebody or comment. They’ll say, “What do I do? I’m on steps seven and eight, but my significant other is on step three.” I’m like, “You’re not on steps seven or eight if your spouse is on step three, high-interest debt. Y’all are both stuck in step three.” So I don’t want you looking at your finances individually. I don’t care even if you have separate accounts. You need to be thinking about things two becomes one. How are you going to create success together? And that’s what I think the Financial Order of Operations can do. If you understand, “Hey, look, if my spouse has a lot of student loan debt, how are we going to tackle this together?” Because I want to make sure all of our goals and objectives are met. Just looking at your success is not a recipe for creating this as a household. And I want you to get through that and find success and make sure you recognize why it’s important for both of you because you want to involve both partners. Even if one of you is kind of the financial head of the household, if something happened to you, if you got hit by that proverbial bus, you want to make sure your spouse understands, “Okay, where are all of our accounts, and what are the steps I need to take? And what have we actually been doing thus far?” And if you both have skin in the game, there’s a much higher likelihood that you’re going to stick to the plan, that you’re both going to take it seriously, that you’re both going to follow through on the things that you’re agreeing to follow through on. So make sure you’re not just running the entire ship by yourself. Make sure your spouse is getting involved with it as well.